Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize