Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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