ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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