Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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