After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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