I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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