i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
