Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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