isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
