you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize