I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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