I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
