I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
