i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
