hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So vagazzling was a success
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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