I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
