no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize