i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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