I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
