he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
