he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
