Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
