so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
