great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
