the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I supernannyed him into submission
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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