Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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