last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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