How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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