i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
