you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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