I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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