Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
