fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
