can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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