did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
