i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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