I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Text me some of your sweat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
