it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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