i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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