took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
