i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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