By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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