sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
love makes seman taste better
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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