apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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