I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
