whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize