Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I met the friendliest cop last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There r osticjed everywhere
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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