Will you blow on my dice?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
