i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just threw up on my dentist
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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