Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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