someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so let's talk penis.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize