rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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