I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drake has all the answers
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
