I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
