So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
