No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
