He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
