Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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