You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
