So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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